Nightmare On Archer Lane

Yes, my child has been on their best behavior today. 
Said no mom ever with a toddler.

This child of mine is driving me crazy with his commotions over absolutely any and everything. What did I ever do to you son? I'm just here to help and smother you with love, not get these angrily outbursts or silly antics.

Today was a "regular" day or well it should have been.

We have a schedule in the morning. I wake up, make breakfast, wake him up (because God forbid the king wakes up and breakfast is not ready), we eat, then get dressed (I hate that part). Then the last thing we do before leaving the house is brush our teeth. That's usually where shit hits the fan with A.J. (I'm used to it).

But not today, no, no, my son decided to start a little early (as early as when he opened his eyes). I knew it was going down under the moment he woke up and told me with a straight but tired cranky face "no school mommy".

Oh dear God, what did I do to deserve this at 7:30 am in the morning? Why? I haven't had my coffee yet, son, please don't test me. 

So naturally being the nice mommy I try my best to be, I didn't say anything. I let him speak his peace and gave him a minute to fully wake the hell up and realize that we are now a few minutes post schedule. After looking at each other as if we were about to go to war (which we both knew was coming) I told him let's go we have to potty.

And thar he blows!

The storm has begun. Tears like rain and “no’s” like thunder with his agile quickness of running around like lightning. We both knew he had to potty, for Pete’s sake we do this shit every morning. But not to A.J. today was going to be the day he stood his ground. Literally stood his ground and pissed on my carpet. Did I mention its only 7:45 am?

I didn’t plan on cleaning this early in the morning. This was totally not part of my morning agenda. I quickly got some cleaning supplies and got to work with my 2 year old “trying” to help. Which is him basically standing there pointing to the spot and saying “uh oh mommy” while trying to put a clean diaper over it. How considerate, considering this could have easily been avoided if he didn’t throw a piss fit. With that squared and cleared. It was time to eat, which went pretty smooth. I guess with all that energy he released earlier must have gave him an appetite (I am just happy I get to eat in peace) that doesn’t happen too often.

Off to get dressed (I told you I hate this part right?).

“No shoe mommy”, “No pants mommy”, “No socks mommy” if the boy could have his way he would go to daycare in his Pull ups and a T-shirt. But in the real world (which sadly he knows nothing about) it doesn’t work that way. So guess who has to get the out lash of properly dressing her son for public? You guessed it. Me! The twist and turns and the infamous arching his back (you mommies know what I am talking about) the ultimate stance of saying “eff you mommy try and fix me now” made me burst a sweat. Why am I sweating you asked? Because it’s an effing work out trying to get this kid dressed. Managed to get his shoes on and atlas, the work out was over.

Now onto my morning surgery (teeth brushing). I give him his toothbrush while I brush my teeth. When I am done I usually brush his teeth (as if he did any cleaning, more like tasting the toothpaste). “Mmm mommy” is what I hear while I take a deep breath and strategically think of a master plan on how to do this quick, efficiently, and less invasive. In other words, God give me strength. This is not going to be fun. After about a 5 minute hassle (which is not quick) his teeth was cleaned (efficiently) and there was no way in hell I could have been any less invasive (he like things the hard way). 

After all was said and done. I was kind of hoping this was just a dream and this couldn’t be my life at this very moment. But who am I kidding? I am a mother to a toddler, every day is a nightmare.

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104 comments

  1. These toddlers are so unpredictable! One day soon, he will get up before you and be dressed without needing your help.

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    1. He is unpredictable. One day he is bright eyed bushy tailed and the next he is a monster child.

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  2. I have very little sympathy LOL, my kids have been getting up at 5:30 am every day for the last 10 years. I would kill to sleep till 7:30 :)

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    1. Lol. I have no idea what I would do if my little one got up that early. I will consider myself lucky. I can't function when it is still dark outside during AM times. Lol.

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  3. It will get better... kids are always testing us on what limits we can give them.

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  4. If I hadn't already gone through all of this with my own kids, I'd feel really bad for laughing so hard through this post. Don't worry, eventually all of this calms down, and you'll be able to enjoy a few brief years of bliss. Then he'll hit teenage years, and you'll long for the tantrums of a toddler instead of the tantrums of small man who's all hyped up on hormones. =D

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    1. Hehehhe, it's okay to laugh. That's all I can do when I look back at that day. I can't wait for my few years of bliss! I am looking forward to it.

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  5. Yeah, it doesn't get much better as they get older. Can't wait for ours to get out of the house!

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    1. Whhaaatt???? re you saying no breaks in between? AAAhhh! Lol. They leave eventually. =)

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  6. I remember these days well although it has been many, many years ago for me. Just look at it this way my daughter just gave birth to twins!

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    1. Aww! Congrats Grandma! I wish her the best. xoxo

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  7. Aww, hang in there! If you didn't have moments like these, you wouldn't be a mom of a toddler. Such a universal experience, to say the least!

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    1. You are right. He sure makes this motherhood journey exciting. Never a dull moment with him.

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  8. Oh gosh, I've heard how tough toddlers can be, especially once they learn the word "no". Sounds like your son has it down- way too well!

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    1. Oh Samantha, you have no idea. "NO" is his favorite word to say and it's also his trigger point when I say it. It's a lose, lose situation for me.

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  9. Before you know it you will be able to show him these pictures and tell him this tale and have a good laugh ;)

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  10. I love this post. You've managed to lament your son's apparent insanity but temper it with your obvious love. It's great. Hang in there, momma! =D

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  11. It's not an easy game with that age, no doubt. At least you can poke fun of the situation!

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  12. Oh my goodness. You just never know about little ones! Amber N

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  13. Ughhhh... Thank God my princess likes to sleep just as much as I do! She usually sleeps until 8.... I'm lucky lol....

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    1. Oh I envy! I wish he would sleep more, he isn't missing out on anything.

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  14. Too funny! Because if I wasn't laughing, I'd be crying - this post is my life ... times 4.

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    1. Lol. Awwww, I wouldn't know what to do with this times 4. *Hugs*

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  15. I'm SO SCARED to become a mom lol. I really don't want to give up my free time for someone else. You moms are so selfless! I take good care of my chihuahuas, but they get breakfast when I feel like it lol

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    1. No rush. Take your time and enjoy your life. Lol. Chihuahuas are your fur babies.

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  16. My daughter has pulled that stunt a few times. The beginng of this year she protested going to get ready for school because her bed was too comfy. She protested so much when she was even that age too she one time put her hands on the side of the door and pulled it off as we struggled one day to get her off the door frame she litterly looked like a garfield window cling that had her arms and legs spread out trying to prevent me from getting out the door. I have to give her lot's of positive reinforcement and a sticker chart every day she's at school early and on time we get a sticker and the end of the month we get to go to chucky cheese for doing something she's suppose to be doing hey it works for us no tantrums and no more fighting or struggles. Other then zipping up her zipper on her coat. My daughter is 7 and in first grade.

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    1. Oh my! When they make up their minds it is set in stone. Positive reinforcement does work wonders! She really likes her beauty rest though.

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  17. ohhh enjoy the nightmare. It really is trying when you are in it but you will look back and miss these days

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    1. Lol. I miss the days he was a newborn imagine when he gets older. Waaahhhh.

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  18. Ha mornings are stressful. I hate the getting dressed part too.

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    1. So not my favorite part of the morning. Sigh.

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  19. These children are smarter than we think! They are always exploring and doing new things, surprising us around every corner!

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    1. Yes they sure do. Surprise. Surprise. I have a toddler. Lol

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  20. Enjoy it while you can! They grow up fast...

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    1. I'll enjoy the afternoons when he is at Daycare. =D

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  21. Well, half of me is amused at his antics and your funny writing...and the other half of me wishes that I had this to deal with LOL

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    1. No ma'am you do not want to deal with this lol. He is something else.

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  22. Why must they do this to us. Everytime I read of another child who acts like mine it make me feel better.

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    1. Hehehehehe I know the feeling. When in stores I hear another child act up, I can only think "Okay, I am not the only one".

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  23. Now that's a face! It is so adorable from the outside looking in.

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    1. Lol. Adorable after his tantrums have stopped.

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  24. I would like to say I miss those toddler day, but somehow, the teen years are trying too lol. Hang in there mama. It really does get better ;)

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    1. I'm hanging. I don't know if I am ready for the teen years.

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  25. I know it's hard now but they do grow up. Hang in there momma.

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  26. I have a 3 year old so I totally get it. There are days I truly go "to the bathroom" and pray she doesn't find me for a few minutes.

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    1. Lol. I laugh because I do the same thing, sometime I hide in my closet. If only for a little bit. To gain my sanity.

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  27. Motherhood's really challenging. Glad to know it's rewarding too...

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  28. Children are so dynamic, one day they can be monster and the other the most adorable thigns ever!

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    1. I know right! One extreme to the other.

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  29. Welcome to the life of a mom. LOL I am a singl e mom and he is 7 and still has those moments. Just the other day he came in and asked if he could call into school and just spend the day with me. I was like um no I am not going to jail for you not going to school. Basically I tell him everything will lead to jail time.

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    1. Lol! The audacity! Lol at jail time! That is too funny.

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  30. I totally remember those days! Unfortunately, it doesn't get much easier - just different challenges. Good thing kids are so cute!

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    1. No don't tell me such things! Hehehehe. I must mentally prepare myself.

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  31. "And thar he blows!"...LMAO OMG I remember those days. I feel for you. I know I don't have it in me to do that again but that is why God doesn't allow us to have kids past a certain age.

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    1. Lol. That is why he doesn't allow us to have kids after a certain age. We wouldn't know what to do then.

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  32. Raising toddlers is the hardest job. They can be moody and have tantrums and can really be unpredictable.

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    1. Oh yes! Very moody. From hot to cold in an instant.

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  33. Oh gosh I remember those days! One day you will look back and laugh! :)

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    1. I laugh now, but in the moment not so much. =D

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  34. oh mine, his really making you run for your money, toddlers such beautiful age but not the greatest at testing peoples patience lol

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    1. You are absolutely correct. Beautiful yet testing peoples patience is something they have mastered.

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  35. Oh, I remember those days all too well. I don't miss them... not one bit! hehe

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  36. Being a mother to a toddler is such a great phase in your life with so much of fun filled moments as well as every day passing like a nightmare. Lol. I agree that every morning you have a new story to share with :)

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    1. You are right. It's new adventure everyday. Never a dull moment with toddlers.

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  37. I feel ya! I've got a three year old who is the same! Lots of grace gets me through those days!

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    1. I need to meet Grace more often. Lol

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  38. My daughter used to fall asleep standing up every morning, lol. I forgot about that... she was hard to get moving, for sure. Come to think of it...she's still hard to get up and moving, ha! And she's a teen. ;)

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    1. Lol! Awww she must of been so tired! Teenagers are the worst getting out of bed. I know, I was one.

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  39. Hugs to you. It looks like you are going through the terrible twos.Hope things settle down for you soon.,

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    1. I most certainly am. I hope he calms down a bit.

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  40. My daughter is a lucky girl. She doe not really have a set time to be out of bed for school. We homeschool and we always just start when both of us wake up (which is usually 6:30am). It is so nice not to have that morning fight :)

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    1. You are so lucky! I bet your mornings are way easier. Leisure time while getting ready for school in pajamas. I like it.

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  41. Toddlers can be so unpredictable. It is always nice when they grow out of this difficult stage.

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  42. There are days where pullups and tee would be great, but we know that's not feasible!

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    1. Lol. Right! Only in the house is that okay.

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  43. The little ones can be so unpredictable can't they? One minute they can be giggling and smiling no end, the next they can be roaring in your face and crying uncontrollably. Being the parent of a toddler sure is a rollercoaster of emotions :)

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    1. Exactly! I've been on this roller coaster since 2012. Lol

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  44. I'm sorry but I had to laugh the entire post :-) yes brings back some memories for sure, one day you will be looking back and wish he was still a toddler ;-) but before that time, you for sure have some more easy years ahead of you

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    1. Lol. It's okay. It's meant to be funny. Because when I look back now, that is all I can do is laugh. I know one day I will miss these years.

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  45. I know exactly what you are talking about! I'd like to say it gets better and I'm pretty sure it does because I know you and I don't pitch these fits every morning, but I've got an 8 year old that still stomps around occasionally and I still have to take an additional swipe at his teeth. My boy is not an idiot, he just gets lazy and annoying. Literally he stomps off almost every morning when I tell him to brush his teeth....WTH, get used to it buddy! So believe me I know and it made me chuckle to hear it happen to someone else. If we can't laugh and commiserate together, well then, that would be sad.
    Take care and breath. :)

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  46. I'm so glad to be past all this! The challenges change as they get older but it's the same basic thing.

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  47. Sorry but I had to laugh at him peeing on the floor.lol He is no different than any other two yr old. They have them days where they think they are the boss. Thanks for sharing,

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  48. I definitely feel you! Children are so unpredictable with their moods. You just never know what the day is going to be like.

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  49. I'm sorry that you didn't even have a chance to get your coffee on first lol. I have four and I am SO glad to be over the toddler years.

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  50. I am sure every mothers will understand your situation because like you, I did my time with my boys. My youngest is almost 3.5 years and I am counting everyday that he could go to big school :D

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  51. LOL! Imagine having multiples. EVERY day there is a debate on what to wear, what to eat, what to play with. Geez. Where is MY pacifier? LOL!

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  52. Too funny. I am a mom myself and being a mom of an 11yo, I would like to say, that is just the beginning. LOL.

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  53. I remember these days. They have mostly passed for me now, my sons gave me a run for my money and are slowly stopping that run now that they are 6 and 8... still a bit challenging here and there, but that 8 year old is barely ever a challenge for long. My youngest though, he is still working on me. LOL Boys will keep you busy but oh they love their Mama. Hang in there .... each day will get better ... soon enough!

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  54. HAHAHAHH!!!!! OMG. "Morning surgery" cracked me up! And I know exactly what you mean with the whole god forbid breakfast isn't made. LOL These boys are so cute when they want to be. Love it! Your sass is amazing

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  55. I am a mama with 4 boys {3 of which are 2, 3, and 4}. Tots are CRAZY. I spend most days frustrated and worried they're shenanigans are going to get them hurt. But then the next second they do something adorable and make it all ok. lol

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  56. Our kids are little and don't know any better, so the only way we can make things better is to keep telling them what the right way is. It seems like they are not listening, but they are, and if you are consistent, one day they will surprise you. They are so precious and sweet that they just melt you no matter what they do.

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  57. It can get tough with toddlers. They have a mind of their own and they really like to make it and then change it.

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  58. I have a toddler too, but it ain't bad. There are good and not-so-good days.

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  59. Have to say my kids never liked having a dummy .x

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